Sunday, August 28, 2011
The door flung open. The ward boy stepped in. His face as if he had seen a ghost.
He asked me to come quickly and see a patient who was not doing well.
The door slammed as he stepped out again.
I had just finished seeing all the patients a minute ago. It had taken almost 4 hours. And I was tired.
I sat there thinking what could have gone for a minute. The stood up and walked out.
I reached the patient. His relatives surrounding him. One after the other touching his dressing and then stepping away in horror.
I found that his bogota had burst open due to his persistent cough and his guts were lying on the bed.
Strangely I did not get mortified. I didn't freeze. My mind started working on its own.
It still took me an hour to get the patient to the OT.
But my heart didn't pound once.
I did inform my senior. He couldn't make it.
So it was up to me.
I requested the anesthetist to sedate the patient. But he refused.
So there was I. Alone. With the patient.
And I managed to sew on a new bogota.
All this and I managed to remain calm.
Somehow it made me happy.
Somehow I think I will survive.
The patient didn't though. He expired a few hours later. But his family thanked me when they left. Strange!
Sunday, August 21, 2011
I have been under a lot of stress lately.
The fact that now I have to earn my own peanuts is a bit stressing. Am working two jobs which leaves me hardly a few days a month to my own.
Have become the senior guy in my batch and as such am supposed to control everyone else. Good luck with that when I got 2 of the trio in my batch. They are giving me hell. Every opportunity they get they make life difficult for me. I am beginning to hate this. Plus all of the surgical work I have been delegating to others. I hard get any blood on my hands. Hardly any cut work. Which I think was a mistake on my part. After the 48 hours I spent yesterday in ER thinking over this I realized my mistake.
There is no point in being good or nice. The world just assumes that as your weakness.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
I am not sure if this is the beginning of it. But today after getting washed up to assist on a case I was told to go do another one ON MY OWN!
My heart didn't pound. My hands didn't shake. I didn't break a sweat.
I did what was to be done without thinking too much about it.
Now I just hope that the case turns out to be fine.
Damn have to wait 5 days to find out ! ! !