Sitting alone at the end of the hall surrounded by a crowd yet totally alone!
A fake smile on my face to hide the tears in my heart!
I sobbed as I saw the things I had wanted slip away from me one by one.
His success at this event had ensured him the position at the head of the pack.
I felt it was mine.But now there is no doubt in my heart that with this event he has taken it so far away from me that it is UN-reachable.
I wonder perhaps it is he who really deserves this.
And this is not the first time. Perhaps due to my lack of confidence,my lack of self-belief, I have had this opportunity taken away from me twice already.
Sometimes I think that I actually never want this , yet I am saddened to be always considered the most eligible guy and yet be ignored at the last minute.
After all my life would be very easy without it.
However this thinking of mine has lead me to become a hermit. I shun anything that requires effort. As a result I am becoming a lonely sad man. Even in youth , I feel like I am carrying the burden of centuries on my shoulders!
I don't think there is anyone I could blame for this predicament except me.
Cud blame God for being so ironically cruel!
Cud blame my family for first over-protecting me and now undermining me.Placing a lot of stress on me. Lot of needless stress.
I could blame my mentor for first holding me back and now blaming me for not being the sharpest!
But really the only ONE I should actually blame is ME ! ! !
If there is something I should learn , it is to change myself.
I must learn to improve the human being that I am.
Otherwise my life shall be a total loss!