C A L M

The door flung open. The ward boy stepped in. His face as if he had seen a ghost.

He asked me to come quickly and see a patient who was not doing well.

The door slammed as he stepped out again.

I had just finished seeing all the patients a minute ago. It had taken almost 4 hours. And I was tired.

I sat there thinking what could have gone for a minute. The stood up and walked out.

I reached the patient. His relatives surrounding him. One after the other touching his dressing and then stepping away in horror.

I found that his bogota had burst open due to his persistent cough and his guts were lying on the bed.

Strangely I did not get mortified. I didn't freeze. My mind started working on its own.

It still took me an hour to get the patient to the OT.

But my heart didn't pound once.

I did inform my senior. He couldn't make it.

So it was up to me.

I requested the anesthetist to sedate the patient. But he refused.

So there was I. Alone. With the patient.

And I managed to sew on a new bogota.

All this and I managed to remain calm.

Somehow it made me happy.
Somehow I think I will survive.


The patient didn't though. He expired a few hours later. But his family thanked me when they left. Strange!

T e n s i o n

I have been under a lot of stress lately.

The fact that now I have to earn my own peanuts is a bit stressing. Am working two jobs which leaves me hardly a few days a month to my own.

Have become the senior guy in my batch and as such am supposed to control everyone else. Good luck with that when I got 2 of the trio in my batch. They are giving me hell. Every opportunity they get they make life difficult for me. I am beginning to hate this. Plus all of the surgical work I have been delegating to others. I hard get any blood on my hands. Hardly any cut work. Which I think was a mistake on my part. After the 48 hours I spent yesterday in ER thinking over this I realized my mistake.

There is no point in being good or nice. The world just assumes that as your weakness.

I N D E P E N D E N C E

I am not sure if this is the beginning of it. But today after getting washed up to assist on a case I was told to go do another one ON MY OWN!

My heart didn't pound. My hands didn't shake. I didn't break a sweat.

I did what was to be done without thinking too much about it.

Now I just hope that the case turns out to be fine.

Damn have to wait 5 days to find out ! ! !






STSG