Crumbling

I have for a long time held certain views about myself and how one should live life.
But now as I face the realities of life I find these crumbling one by one.
Always believed that I was destined for something big ; but now I think it is just a delusion. I am a good for nothing. There is nothing at which I am particularly good at. Hardly anything that I can get done without messing it up or shitting my pants.
I no longer love what I do. To think of it , it has always been a compromise. Rather the mistaken belief that I would probably grow into it. But as more and more time passes I realize that it just is not happening.

Is this what I should believe?

I work hard. Work honestly. Never try to cheat. Always push aside insults.Always compromise and put others ahead of me.

But where has this lead me ?
And when I look at the people who completely follow rules opposite to mine I see them to be labeled successful. They are the ones who reap the praise and awards.

My confidence which never was one of my strong points has taken some hard hits recently.
I had come a long way from the ill child that I used to be , but I guess not far enough.