It has been a while since I posted.

Strange that the thing that finally compels me to share my thoughts is in fact something I mentioned in my last post before this long break.

Was busy in doing my job with as much honesty as I could but I have just found out that hard work gets you nowhere.

Have been sinful and have turned away from the really important thing in life , no matter I end up like I do.

I need to pay more attention to my health and study. Have wasted enough time already.

Regarding what brought me back it is sad that I have such feelings and that I am depressed at someone else's happiness!

Guess I am human after all ! No saint , no angel !

He deserved the applause and appreciation that he got ! I didn't mind that !

But a terrifying feeling hit me when he was appreciated and I was not!

It is terrifying for me that I crave love and appreciation so much !

I have been hit by one of the worst episodes of depression in the past some time just because of the hug that he got and I didn't!

I do think I am truly mentally sick now ~!

Was so happy just a few days ago.

Ah well nothing a few drugs can't cure . . .