A P P R E C I A T I O N

I wonder what it is that I have to do to please him.

I do each and everything that he asks and yet he hardly appreciates my efforts.

He can see so much potential in the residents but not in me. . .

C R U E L

Hmm...

The most cruel thing in this world is us.

We , the humans.

We kill and brutalize without any reason.

We are cruel to our fellow humans, to other species and to the world in general!


What did God think to make us ?

R E A L I Z A T I O N

For a long time I thought they didn't come because they were busy and it was a long long way from home. Even though I had sent transportation.

Now I realize they didn't come because they just didn't want to come . . .

They didn't care enough to come . . .

feeling blessed

Its been years but today finally felt appreciated for all the hard work of the past decade.

Made me think how far we have come along.

Also made me realize how time flies and nothing matters much in a couple of years.

And the future is wide open. The battle is not over, its just begun...

CRUEL TIME

Today more than ever before , I understand this and felt this. . .

Regrets

As I see him talking in his ear , I sometimes wonder if that could have been me?

Years back , before he even joined an event happened which resulted in most of the people in the ward being suspended. It was the start of my residency. It presented a unique opportunity, for I over night became the senior most resident. I just became his right hand man. The go to guy. 

But I guess I was immature or rather scared of the responsibilities.

And today I just sit and stare at them and wonder what if I had held on ?

Missed opportunities

Today I had the opportunity to abandon my "learning and skills gaining life sucking job" for a much easier more paying but rather dead end non-learning job.

I wonder if I made the right choice by sticking with my current job.

Hope I don't live to regret my decision...

Favouritism

I always believed that the key to success was hard-work,honesty, punctuality and courtesy.

Boy o Boy!

Was I wrong!!!

Turns out its nothing more than kissing ass! The better you can do it the higher you'll go.

Today as I sat in a corner and saw the ass kissing going on and the return favoritism being handed out I realized that whether I like it or not , am never going to be able to be a ass-kisser. My parents were either stupid or they did me a great favor. Only thing I'll get reward of favor once dead.

I must realize and accept that I shall not be able to progress upwards in this ass kissing society and I must chose accept this fate and just work my ass off.

Something called Life

I have often wondered as to why exactly we are born.

I have failed to find any satisfactory answer to it. I fail to understand the purpose of us being here. In the end , we are all to die. Wealth , fame , money , acts , deeds... nothing will go on with us. Nothing will stay behind for ever. So why are we all running after them ?

This brings me to a very dangerous proposition. 

If we all are supposed to die , then whats the point of living?

Masterly Inactivity

He came in around 4 pm in the afternoon. His wife and son came in with him. An old chap. In his 70's. He held his foot and was in an obvious agony. He had developed sudden pain in his foot in the morning and it had become numb and cold as he put it. It was turning a greyish colour by the time he came in and it was ice cold.

His popliteal pulses were present and good. As per our routine he wasn't candidate for exploration. However attempted to send him to vascular surgeon in an attempt to save his foot. However , the vascular guys also thought the same as us and sent him back,

With nothing more to do , he was put on heparin and anti-coagulation and painkillers to wait for the eventual amputation. He was admitted for the foot to turn black and smelly before we could chop it off.

But he improved dramatically. By next morning his pain was gone. His foot was warm. His foot was pink. The blackening colour gone.

Hmmmmmm

Every time he sees me now, he thanks me. Thanks me for saving his foot.

And I feel embarrassed and ashamed for we were just being masterly inactive...

STRANGULATED

I feel strangulated.



I just wish it would stop.

FALSE GODS

I got to admit.

The power we have in our hands as healers is immense.

We spend hours holding dominance over the bodies of the poor souls who put their bodies at our trust. It is our decision who goes where and when. Who eats when. We hold sway over an army of staff and juniors, people at our every beck and call.

No wonder that the power begins to get to us. No wonder that we get corrupted by it.

Infact what are we? False gods! Nothing more!

CHANGE THE GAME

For years I believed that the key to success is hardwork, honesty and integrity.

Now I stand corrected.

My beliefs and courage shattered.

I see no reason to hold onto beliefs that seem so weak.

I am strongly thinking of leaving this profession or becoming like the very people I have spent a lifetime abhoring ...

Shattered Dreams

For years, I have been working as a slave for you.

Doing  each and everything you asked of me.

Didn't ask whether it was day or night.

Didn't see the cost to me, my health, my life and my family.

And in return , the day I ask you for help on something totally in your hand you offer me nothing.

Not even hope...