I hate this !

It is that time when the new leader of the so called clan is to be decided again.

I hate this time.

It makes me feel so incompetent.

And not to mention the fact that I was already considered to be the best candidate twice and then overlooked at the last moment twice in the past 2 years!

I so want this but I know I am not up to it.

I may desire the power and the free hand that comes with the position but I know I am already at breaking point and any further workload and I may snap like a twig.

I must make up my mind.

Even though the decision is not with me , it is very likely that this time I won't be considered. There are people who are better than me. More suited for this job. More willing to take on the tasks than me. I should just accept the fact that I am not cut out for this.

I have to consider the fact that maybe not getting this position is the best for me.

After all there is more to life than just this!

But it is so hard to accept that you are not the "BEST" and I hate the feeling that it brings . . .