Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Replacement

Ah well I knew this day was coming.

Ever since he came , I felt there was going to come a time when I was to be replaced by him. The two of them like him. They even said it. Last time one of them said it and today the other one finally said that he was the one who should be the replacement.

Its silly! I should be feeling angry and annoyed as I was the one who was supposed to be "THE ONE". Yet strangely I feel nothing ! If anything I feel relieved.

The more this happens the more it makes me realize that I need to turn to my to roots. . . go back to the things that made be wanted in the first place. . .

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

It has been a while since I posted.

Strange that the thing that finally compels me to share my thoughts is in fact something I mentioned in my last post before this long break.

Was busy in doing my job with as much honesty as I could but I have just found out that hard work gets you nowhere.

Have been sinful and have turned away from the really important thing in life , no matter I end up like I do.

I need to pay more attention to my health and study. Have wasted enough time already.

Regarding what brought me back it is sad that I have such feelings and that I am depressed at someone else's happiness!

Guess I am human after all ! No saint , no angel !

He deserved the applause and appreciation that he got ! I didn't mind that !

But a terrifying feeling hit me when he was appreciated and I was not!

It is terrifying for me that I crave love and appreciation so much !

I have been hit by one of the worst episodes of depression in the past some time just because of the hug that he got and I didn't!

I do think I am truly mentally sick now ~!

Was so happy just a few days ago.

Ah well nothing a few drugs can't cure . . .